@felix: Wow, so many petitioners! I guess I'll opine 🤔 on them in chronological order...
@___________: Now I'm not saying you have to believe this way or that way, I'm just saying, when you're in the classroom you've gotta do what the teacher tells you, right? I mean that's what a classroom is all about. But kids these days will come up with any kind of a reason why they can't follow the rules... like I'm Satan 😈 or something. Can I please put these brats in their place for once?
@unitedstates: In Soviet Russia, insurance company nationalizes you! Well maybe not, but it's up to those wacky Soviets what they do or don't nationalize, and no pinko small-town regulator like @____—ahem—is going to single-handedly overrule them and threaten our diplomacy 🎩 during the Cold War. Which hasn't even started yet. In Soviet Russia, Cold War starts—
@____________________________ Y'all just said we could tell those punk kids to obey their teachers... 👩🏫 right? Right?
@____________________________ Hello? Is anybody there?
@_____: Sir, would you care for one of these magazines? 📰 It describes the good news about God's plan for...
[sound of indistinct threats]
@_____: No, I don't know who owns this town, and I do know what's good for me, thank you! I just want to make sure these fine folks don't end up owing their souls to the company store, like Merle Travis is about to sing in another year or two.
@unitedstates: Look, if they don't like this one guy, sorry, these three guys, they don't have to pay them. It's their money. I mean, it's all of our money. If we don't like these three guys, then they're out on their ear, end of story.
@felix: Are you saying that all three guys share a single ear?
@unitedstates: I mean their ears, one ear each, @felix. End of story. It's not like we're drawing and quartering 'em, it's like we're saying, if I don't like Frank's Grocery then I tell my wife "none of my hard-earned cash 💵 is going to that scoundrel Frank" and that should be that. Not like Frank, or @______, should make a gosh-darned Federal case out of it.
@________: I just feel like my state is the Notorious B.I.G. For Notorious Bizarre Illinois Gerrymandering. We're kind of a laughingstock for the shapes of some of these districts—I mean, have you seen them? Ugh. They're like some kind of Cthulhu-spawned eldritch monstrosity.
@felix: What's Cthulhu?
@________: Oh, a monster from a Weird Tales number back in '28. Never mind. What I'm saying is, these districts are like a nightmare from the great beyond. From a fever-dream of the inferno. If you look at them, you'll go mad 😱. I really can't recommend it. Surely nobobdy could think this is OK, right? Having to live in one of these horror-story monster districts?
@_______: I'm taking the Fifth. This is America, isn't it? L.A. County is part of America 🇺🇸, right?
@______: People call me a menace 👺. To society, I guess. "______ the Menace." Just because I let them know I and my friends officially think this society is corrupt? Hmmmph!
@_______: Pretending to be a divine figure in order to sleep with somebody? Some people say it's a time-honored practice if you can pull it off. Some people say it's a crime. Or sacrilege. Personally, I can't exactly recommend it.
@felix: Are you coming to a point here?
@_______: Indeed, I think the real question is ultimately: Is it Art? And I think the real answer is: Yes. People say they feel it can't be Art to stare at something that comes out of a machine. But nowadays, or soon, isn't everything coming out of a machine 📽️ one way or another? I mean, didn't Walter Benjamin say almost twenty years ago that we're now in the Zeitalter—maybe it was the Époque—pardon my French. Anyway. He said it was a period of time that we're living through where we knew how to make Art come out of machines. And maybe that devalues it somehow or whatever in some people's eyes, but that's what we've got nowadays. That's the world we're living in!
@__________: I was just sitting here minding my own business 🏭 and making some assorted metal products and then all of a sudden every Tom, Dick, and Harry—especially Harry!—waltzes in like he owns the place. I mean seriously. Just because some of my workers were unhappy, why'd he have to take it out on me? Can I please get my goddamn metal plant back, please?
@_______: I don't care about the consequences to me, I just think it's the principle of the thing, I shouldn't have to testify, period. It's not about whether I go to jail or whatever. So fine, they're not gonna send me to jail, great. But it's really all about whether they can make me open my mouth 🙊 if I don't want to!
@____: I just desert in the desert 🏜️ for one lousy day and they assert my just desert is losing my nationality forever? What are these people deser—er, thinking?
@______: I like Ike, but apparently Ike doesn't like me back 😦. He thinks I'm kind of a loser, or maybe kind of a ______. Well, he's entitled to his opinion, and I'm entitled to my salary!
@______________: I'm just trying to have a party here with a few of my closest friends and all of a sudden these bored guys look us over and tell us they want to take down all of our individual names and everything. They say they don't like the looks of our party 🎉. Well, I don't like the looks of them, either. They say we're trying to achieve an international proletarian revolution. Well, so's your mother!
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